Five Pillars of Intimacy

I got some questions from a couple of people relating to developing or creating intimacy in marriage.  So we decided to look at this in detail. Over the next month or so we will discuss more on intimacy.

Intimacy in marriage and any relationship is way more than just sex.  There are different levels of intimacy that all contribute to marriage intimacy.

  1. Intellectual intimacy.  This is intimacy of the minds. It’s not just talking about intelligent brilliant ideas. It is about sharing your thoughts. All thoughts, any thoughts. What do you think about finances? What is your view on politics? What are your thoughts on food, health, work? etc.
  2. Emotional intimacy. Our feelings are more or less spontaneous. How we respond to encounters through our senses are emotions/feelings.  I feel loved when you hold my hand. I feel scared when I watch horror movies. etc. Sharing these emotions and feelings build intimacy.
  3. Spiritual intimacy. Connecting of the souls. Believe it or not, we are all spiritual beings. Fulfillment from believing in God fills a void on our being that cannot be filled by anything else. Sharing spiritual beliefs and affiliations will build spiritual intimacy.
  4. Social/Experiential intimacy. This involves doing stuff together. Sharing experiences. Can be done either as a couple or with friends.  Doing things together develops teamwork.
  5. Physical/Sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is more than just sexual intercourse. Men are mostly physical when it comes to sex. They see, touch and are ready to go! Women are interested in the relationship connection. They feel loved and appreciated and they are ready to go!  Sexual intimacy requires understanding and responding to these differences.

Intimacy is not designed to eliminate individuality but to celebrate it. You and your spouse are different. Being intimate with them will help us understand and even enjoy these differences. We loose intimacy when we just think about ourselves and our perceived happiness.

We will look at each pillar in more detail in the coming weeks. Let us practice building intimacy and grow closer to each other.
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