This is in response to the an Evewoman magazine article published by Standard Media of the same title:
The article can be read here: https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/evewoman/article/2001275378/four-decisions-that-your-husband-should-not-make-for-you
In this day and age of independent woman etc, I would like to set the record different. Being independent does not mean that you do not involve your husband (whom you willingly married and were of sound mind while doing so). This is a man who loves you and does want the best for you.
As a wife, you are no longer a spinster. You have a responsibility to your husband and when you become a mother, a responsibility to your children. So trying to live the care-free single life after marriage thinking or hoping it will not affect your spouse or kids, then you are sorely mistaken.
Do not get married if you want to continue making decisions your self, putting piercings or tattoos where you please, deciding that wrong friends are still good friends or spending how you want because this will affect the relationship between you and your husband whether you like it or not.
So here we go:
- Career Path – Well, any sensible man wouldn’t really change their wives career as that is the wives prerogative. They could influence the job location,job post etc. At one of my jobs, I was constantly complaining about my boss. My husband started forwarding job posts at different places. He loves me. He wants the best for me. If I didn’t listen to him, well, I would have been miserable at work. If your husband went of to some random war-torn country on a job that he decided to take without your consult how would you feel? Sharing is caring
- Spending Money – First, when we got married we decided to share everything! All our secrets and all our money. One pot. What is mine is ours and what is his is ours. Don’t believe me? Watch our video: http://ndoapoa.com/finances-to-share-or-not-to-share/. Bottom line is sharing, transparency, openness goes a long way to build trust that lasts. Like I wouldn’t buy something and hide that I did, or invest in something and not tell my hubby. And what if my hubby hid a big purchase from me? The answer is not tit for tat. I shouldn’t start hiding because he did. I should instead seek to rebuilding trust in our relationship. Seek help from professionals if possible. It is not right for a spouse to hide purchases from the other. The whole point of trust is there is nothing to hide. no secrets.
- Circle of friends – Would you know “friends” who don’t want the best for you or are jealous of you if they slapped you on the face? You married your husband, let him know you. Let him be that one friend you can count on. Be that for him too. Strive to become best friends. That way, you can share the definition of negative influence. I know of friends who have torn marriages apart.
- Getting body modifications – Being married means you are doing life with someone else. It’s not about just you any more. If I want a tattoo on a body wouldn’t it be fair to at least show him designs you like for him to pick the ones he likes too? Wouldn’t it be helpful to talk it over? or for him to choose where the tattoo could go? Maybe the view of your bare back is what he likes Then you decide to get a tattoo there. All of a sudden he reads some Chinese gibberish quote tattooed on you back when he’s hitting it from behind…then? No turn on. Or what if your nipple piercings trap his delicate tongue that is so used to licking your breast? Think about it. Body modifications now affects BOTH of you. It is your body, but your husband derives immense pleasure from it!
Ladies, marriage is a different state from being single. The main reason for getting married is companionship. It requires responsibility, consideration and compromise. From both you and your husband. Sharing is caring literally. and that is the essence of companionship and marriage.