From the moment we wake up in the morning, our minds are active. Intellectual Intimacy requires that we share some of our thoughts with each other. Not necessarily the super intelligent philosophical ones. They may be thoughts like views on politics, finances, food, health, work etc. When two minds connect, they build intellectual intimacy.This is intimacy of the minds. These thoughts reveal what’s going on in your minds and by sharing these thoughts, you learn more about each other. Make your marriage a safe place for discussions.
You may not agree with each others points of view, but the important thing is listening and understanding your spouse and their thought process then enjoying the differences.
It took a couple of months for DH and I to get the hang of listening to each others thoughts and respecting them. We thought that thoughts should be of the same views. We later learnt that different views is not bad. It’s just different. We got to appreciate the different views and work with each other and not against each other.
DH is a spontaneous thinker and I am an analytical thinker. For us this means when I spew my thoughts I like analyzing them and I invite my DH to go down a thought rabbit hole with me. He used to take my sharing of thoughts as a challenge to change my views. Later on he learnt that, it’s not about same views but more of an engaging discussion. On the other hand when he talks about ideas he has, I go all analytical with questions on how stuff will work. I used to enthusiastically be the devils advocate until I learnt that it wasn’t showing my support of his ideas. So I began being more supportive and less analytical.
Practicing intellectual intimacy:
- Set goals for the year
- Respect each others opinions
- Try not to make arguments our of different views
- Read a book together and share
- Make the home budget together
- Take a parenting class together or agree on how to raise your children