Marriage is a journey with different seasons

Our Wedding Day
  • Our first year of our marriage was all about excusing each other’s flaws and easily forgiving. It was hugs and kisses for days. We were in the Dream stage. We were so excited to be starting this marriage journey together. Everything was new and interesting. All we wanted to do was  look deeply into each other’s eyes daily. We were all about giving to each other without thinking twice. It was so easy to be kind to each other. To talk about life and everything, to share hopes and dreams. It was amazing! I even pretend-liked Ugali because Darling Husband (DH) loved it.
  • Around the second year, reality kicked in! I stopped eating Ugali and went back to my love of warus (potatoes). Then the fighting…..there was a bit of snapping fingers, and rolling eyes, and drawing out disagreements. Wow! that sweet puppy love went down fast! We had entered the Drama stage.  Flaws and different behaviors were no longer impressionable, they became a source of irritation. “Why do you do that? Do this instead.” We were subconsciously trying to fix it. It wasn’t working. We used to go for romantic leisurely walks, those dwindled down too. We found ourselves tired of the hurt and pain. We wanted it all to go back to the way it used to be. To the happy go lucky days. We asked ourselves where we went wrong. We loved each other. We loved being married to each other. But there was something that needed checking. So we decided to look deep within. Not every day was drama. So we could enjoy the drama free days like we used to. We focused on keeping the main thing the main thing. We agreed that when we resolve an issue, it is done and we move on. We asked God for guidance. We also spoke to our mentor couple (they have been married 22 years). We realized that this stage happens to all married folk! It’s part of the process. We have learnt to let in the difference we encounter with each other. We have learnt that drama is okay and we are stronger for it. We have learnt that we can’t change each other but we can change ourselves individually. We have learnt that love is made stronger by overcoming obstacles together. We have learnt that walking with an older couple has helped us work out our issues more amicably.
  • I believe the honeymoon stage was created to give people hope after a stressful wedding day. It is an important stage of making impressions and testing how long these impressions last. The drama stage is important to build a strong foundation for marriage. Learning is tough. It involves some tears and some ego injuries.  However, once the drama stage is over then the couple experiences realization of the kind of person that they actually married, faults and all. And you don’t have the desire to change them anymore. This is the Discovery stage.
  • After the Discovery stage,  differences are celebrated. A couple has lived all this time together, gone through the highs and lows, have had the children and are probably beginning to empty the nest.  They would do anything for each other. Love is not a feeling, it flows from deep within. They look into each other’s eyes DESPITE of their flaws and BECAUSE of what they have gone through together and love each other even more! That’s the Depth stage. This is the last stage. Couples at this stage are friends forever.  This is where we work and pray at getting.

 

  • We have learnt that seasons come and go. And we are learning to resolve every argument with love. We have learnt that we all have strengths and weaknesses and that is not a bad thing. We have learnt to draw on each others strengths, instead of bringing each other down with their flaws.

4 thoughts on “Marriage is a journey with different seasons

  1. Im loving your blog hun. Thanks for allowing us singles to take a sneak peak of what’s on the other side. And still have hope for butterfly moments and bee sting moments

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