When I lived with my folks, we grew up with certain rules and traditions. Like all birthdays were celebrated, we ate dinner together on the dining table between 6pm and 7pm, we had devotions daily before bed, church was compulsory and we went out as a family everywhere (Weddings, bible study, church meetings, everywhere). When I moved out, I lived on my own for a while and continued with some of the traditions that I grew up with. Church was still compulsory and when I got a dinner table, I had my meals on the table always before 8pm and I attended friends’ weddings. I also developed new routines like going to the cinema at least twice a week, watching plays, travelling around Kenya every Easter (thank you Randaranda) etc.
On the other hand Darling Husband (DH) grew up differently. They went to church once in 3 Christmases (DH’s words). They didn’t celebrate birthdays. Their family ate together after 9pm with their mum. Their dad worked late most nights. They didn’t have devotions. When DH moved out, he still didn’t celebrate his birthday, had dinner whatever time, church became compulsory.
After we got married we had to compromise on some living arrangements. We got flexible on when meal times were, what breakfast was (leftover dinner counted), eating preferences, etc. DH loves ugali (Amazing maize meal best served with grilled fish). I wouldn’t have it daily. So when he eats ugali, I have potatoes. We didn’t have to have the same meal, so we cooked smaller quantities of various meals for options. We pray together and the venue of the said prayers varies. We have had to make some concessions, like I won’t expect him to accompany for every single wedding. So we agreed he’ll attend weddings of close family and friends. DH also conceded to me throwing a bash for his birthdays, well at least a dinner for now.
We have learnt that it is much easier to work with each other than trying to change each other. Instead we get to know each other and allow each other to be themselves. We have learnt to be open, transparent and vulnerable to each other.