Marriage is primary, children are secondary

  • Once we got married, DH and I agreed on prioritizing our marriage above our children. To do this, we agreed that we will maintain our date nights every week and having the children sleep in their own beds and eventually move to their own rooms at 6 months.
  • When our first child was born, she had her own bed.  She disrupted our schedule for a while with sleepless nights and what not. But we still went out on dates (and tried not to talk about baby). Then second child, joined us a year and a half later. We sleep trained him real quick and by 4 months we could catch good night rests.
  • It was really hard for me though, carrying two babies, birthing them, they felt like they were my whole world! All the love that overflowed for them was impossible!  The over protection I felt was unreal! How could I not hog these my babies and just be with them all the time?  I had to let go. From the very beginning, I had to not get attached. I had to share my babies with DH. I had to let him in on caring for the babies. Because letting him in from the beginning would help in bond with the babies. Plus that gave time to my pregnancy and post baby hormones to calm down.
  • We love our munckins to bits. We hang out with them every chance we get. We both have flexible jobs so that makes it easy. We also understand our parental role with them. We understand we are stewards over these young ones who belong to the Lord. We are required to discipline and instruct them in the ways of the Lord. We pray with them, we play with them, we teach them. However, when it comes to mummy and daddy time, we let them know and we are able to maintain our special times together and go on at least one vacation a year just the two of us.
  • 3rd Year Anniversary Honeymoon
  • In our house mtoto si wa mama, mtoto ni wa wazazi. (the child is not the mother’s the child is the parents’). DH is very involved in the everyday changing, feeding, playing, and disciplining the children.
  • We have learnt that it’s very easy for the children to consume the our daily lives. We have learnt that it’s important to work on us as a couple for the sake of our children. We know they will grow up and move out and leave DH and I. We continuously strive to do recreational activities together as a couple to get us used to that kind of life in preparation of empty nesting. We have learnt that if we do not prioritize our lives when we need to, we will be overwhelmed with all the parenting responsibilities. We have learnt that parenting is teamwork and we agree on how to do it. We have learnt that a good marriage makes for good parents.

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