When DH and I were dating, I felt that we were so alike and had so much in common. We both loved travelling and adventure, we both loved music, we loved eating out, we loved hanging out with friends, we loved going to the cinema for movies. Then we got married.
The activities we did when dating were less and less after getting married. Did any of you ever feel that way?
I thought that since we had a lot in common, then even when we got married that all these would stick. Especially watching movies together in the theater!
So one day I asked DH about it and he said that he enjoyed going for movies because I did and that he wasn’t really a movies guy! Ghai! Atiiii? I’m left there wondering, kwani all the awesome movies that he enjoyed watching, was I dragging him for those plots? ama? Then he added, “Well I enjoyed watching the movies, but if I watch them at home pia ni same.”
“Noooooooo, It’s not the same. At the cinema, there’s imax 3D, sound effects and such.”
The conversation went on how we could get a bigger TV screen and even speakers.
6 months into the marriage we finally agreed to do movie night once a week. And the movies were to be vetted for awesomeness! This was the beginning of conversations on everything else we used to do together that we sort of stopped doing. And for most stuff we found a middle ground.
We learnt that it is easy to take social intimacy for granted because as individuals we are continually growing and loving new activities. And as married couples our common interest keep shifting. We have learnt that to find a social rhythm, we need to do it together. That through open communication and willingness to find activities that we can always find something fun to do together. We have learnt that as marriage seasons adjust, we seek more interesting ways to be intimate socially. Even going to arboretum for a picnic can be fun!
Add excitement to your marriage by sharing experiences, events and memories. Money may not always be available but TIME is.
Practicing Social Intimacy:
- Identify activities that you both enjoy doing
- Dedicate at least one day a week to do recreational activities together
- Make social goals like hanging out with friends or going to the park monthly
- Take pictures together
- Find a board game you enjoy and can even play with other couples