Submission is not easy!

Wa! For real. It’s not.

When we were dating, it was really easy to submit. I mean I would follow my husband, then boyfriend anywhere, probably even jump off the cliff…ok..not really but you get the picture.

When we got married and we had differing opinions, he would make the final decision for both of us. Easily.

However, is it me or does it get harder to “submit”? Where do I draw the line? Are there grey areas that I can wiggle through?

Let’s start with definitions.


To submit is the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

The Bible:

Ephesians 5:21-24 (NIV)  21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.,  22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

So what does it mean really mean to submit?

By the way,  all that I speak of here relates to Christians (those with a reverence for Jesus Christ) and what this means to me.   I am not a theologian, but from the bible verse above, submitting for wives means showing respect by letting the husband lead. Submitting for husbands means loving the wife as Christ loved the Church. It means as a wife I am to let go and let my darling husband lead our family.

Yes, LET him, even if sometimes I feel there is a different way of doing things. LET him because I trust God to lead him. LET him because I respect and honor him as my husband. LET him because it takes two to make the marriage work.

Does it mean I shouldn’t air my opinions?

Not at all. Fortunately for me, My DH is very accommodating of my analytical tendencies. However, when there is no way forward and a decision needs to be made, I yield to his decision. Sometimes I hope he changes his mind, but I don’t tell him.

For example, we had a discussion sometime back on whether or not to move house. I wanted to move to a farther location with a bigger house and he wanted to keep the status quo because it was a great deal for the location. We did the pros and cons of the current living arrangement. The only con was the rent, which, compared to others living around the same hood was a pretty good bargain. We did the pros and cons for moving house. Biggest con was distance to cinema/movie theater. But I wanted a new place, where no one has lived before. So, several opinion exchanges later, I yielded and we are staying. And I don’t walk around the house loudly sighing or grumpy or sending him house options. I live with the decision happily. I have accepted. I also don’t bring up the moving house all the time.  If he does, I will roll with it.


Isn’t that like blind obedience?

Well, truthfully, I feel like obedience has to be involved inorder to submit. I wouldn’t say it’s blind though. I would say its aware voluntary obedience based on trust and respect. You as a wife would be aware what you are being asked to accept as a decision, and you would accept the said decision knowing the consequences of the same, good or bad.  Many times it requires sacrifice and dying to self.

So what if you really think it’s a bad decision?

Well, in a loving marriage or relationship, I believe your husband wants the best for you and your family.  So what really bad decision would he make? I have received questions from ladies and they wonder, what if the investment decision my husband makes will make us loose all of our money and yet I have a PhD in financial management and I am a professional investment banker?

My answer? Discuss your doubts, your well illustrated analysis of the brokenness that will be left behind, your other investment options, and if he insists on going ahead, LET him, then go and pray. If things don’t work out the way you expected, do not criticize your husband and flaunt the “I told you so” card. Be supportive. He needs to be assured you are a team no matter what.

Must I submit?

Well, the Bible says you should.  Also, your Husband will be confident in his leadership and will feel respected by you. So its good for him too (ask him he will tell you). As a wife, you will start to learn to trust your husbands decision and learn what praying without ceasing really means…hahaha.. When you pray and ask God to guide your husband, He listens, He hears, He does.

My lesson: God wants me to surrender matters into His hands. Submission means trusting God and letting go. I do not need to control every situation. Submission is hard but it’s worth it. God desires me to submit, it’s my choice and it’s a good choice to make and be willing to respect my husband by submitting to his Godly leadership.


What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments.



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