What to look for in a spouse

Spouse (not girlfriend or boyfriend) meaning you are thinking of getting married.  Also, this is the Christian edition (sorry..It’s what I know) plus God invented romantic love and Marriage :-). Read Songs of Solomon!

So many times I get asked this question. There are so many places to start. But Ken Grave’s book “Master, Mission, Mate” is a really good place to start:

  1. Who is your Master?– This is the most important thing to consider as a Christian. Do you believe in the Holy Trinity? Having the same faith beliefs is important because God will be the authority that both of you abide by.  This goes beyond just knowing of God or just respecting God. Do you love him, is He your personal Saviour? Do you read His word AND live by it? Also, if you are not that Christian, please be that Christian before you let someone else share in your life. Daniel 11:32 b “the people who do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.” Can they oppose evil and stand for good no matter what?
  2. What is your Mission?– What is your God designed purpose on earth? What are you here for? If you have not answered this question yet, then wait till you do before you get married. The reason for that is, marriage makes you one. ONE in everything. So if your missions are worlds apart, then you will keep on tugging and pulling. For example, if your mission is to go all over the world being a doctor without borders  and your spouse’s mission is to be a politician in a particular country, the tug and pull will occur because one will travel all the time around the world and the other will travel all the time around the country.  Will you spouse travel with you and just be an activist and not necessarily a country based politician? Or will your spouse be a local doctor and not travel the world. To understand more about your purpose, read Rick Warren’s book “Purpose Driven Life” and read “Discovering your God-given purpose” . Women and Men are different. And God made them that way deliberately. If God brings you a mate, it’s because there’s work the two of you can do together better than you could do alone.  Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” And if two are better than one, imagine the increased benefit of having three in your marriage—you, your spouse, and Jesus. Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (NIV)
  3. Who will be your Mate? After you know who you are and whose you are and why you are here, now  how to find the spouse. Point to note, no one is perfect. What you want is someone on the same path as you following Jesus. They are being worked on spiritually just like you but they know where they are going and how to get there. So for men, you are looking out for the Proverbs 31:10-31 woman. A good woman, hardworking, Generous and kind to the needy, wise, manages money well, is resourceful, she fears the Lord and she is honorable. But men, you have to let her be this woman and support her. For women, when men approach you check if they fit the 1 Timothy 3:1-12 man. Yes, deacon material. Faithful, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,  not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money, good reputation and honest.

This is the start. Let me know what stands out for you in the comments below 🙂 

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