Why are you so emotional?

DH has found himself asking me more than once why I am so emotional. Truth is, women are emotional thinkers and communicators while men are more logical thinkers and communicators (this could just be me)

That’s why when I speak of an issue that affected me, DH is quick to find solutions to fix it.  Most women would like their husbands to listen to them, understand their issue, and empathize with them . However, it is not natural for men to listen, understand and empathize. They process information logically and look for logical solutions that they believe with resolve the feelings.

Ladies and gentlemen, communication in marriage is a PhD because it takes work and practice for a husband to listen the way his wife would like and it takes a wife to speak in a way the husband would logically process. We have been married 3 years as of this post, and I feel we haven’t even scratched the surface!

Love the video below on how women talk about how they are affected by “the nail” and want their husbands to understand and empathize yet all the husband wants to do is remove the nail to fix the problem. BUT, it’s not about the nail!

 


Nevertheless,  sharing of feelings and emotions builds intimacy in marriage. Emotional intimacy requires being vulnerable to each other to the point of sharing weaknesses, fears and feelings that would be perceived as petty.  We choose to share with our spouses our deepest and darkest truths that would reveal the inside of our souls. Learning to get to this kind of openness is a very rewarding experience.

Practicing Emotional Intimacy:

  • Pick topics you are both comfortable with to get the conversation started
  • Accept who your spouse is, flaws and all
  • Avoid criticizing, being sarcastic, being judgmental when your spouse is sharing
  • It’s easy to laugh together, practice crying together
  • Agree to disagree
  • Start by talking for at least 15 minutes a day and increase the time gradually
  • Have a safe space for sharing
  • Ask hard questions

 

3 thoughts on “Why are you so emotional?

  1. Funny how I usually listen to my wife all the while having a ‘footnote’ conversation with her, all the while with my lips tightly shut. The footnotes say… “I can fix that… I have the solution to that too… Have I not just sorted you on that one?… Gosh!!! Are you even listening to my solutions? Feelings won’t solve that one… I genuinely can fix it if you will just listen…” So I have to deliberately switch my head off and listen with my heart. Yes guys, you have one too. And its practice, practice, practice.
    But I will get there.

    1. Ladies and Gentlemen, this here is my Darling Husband (DH). And with practice we will get to sharing our emotions effortlessly!

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